She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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