No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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