Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
