i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
