my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
