you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
