Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the day after is always just damage control
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
