My underwear smells like fireworks.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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