When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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