Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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