She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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