i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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