My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
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Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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