Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
