Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
