i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
