I just threw up on my dentist
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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