So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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