Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
