i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
