when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
