brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No more Irish car bombs ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
