You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
