I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
