Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
