Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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