I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
