please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
