I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you inspire me to be a worse person
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize