when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
