If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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