I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
