why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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