Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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