just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize