We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
