she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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