Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
