I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
