Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
