I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
True college students do jello shots in the library
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