So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
