Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
