just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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