you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
