You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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