im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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