no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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