So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
