Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
