I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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