White coat. Heels.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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