I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
