I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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