I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
try to milk me bitch
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