i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
