the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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