i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
