Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
