I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
40s are totally the cure
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
