is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
