While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
