oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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